Why is the rum gone?
by Trouble and Newt
Summary: (PG for some swearing) So what do you get when you mix Captian Jack Sparrow, Rum Runners and a couple of insane authors? This story! We're following Jack during the frist time he was marooned: ships, rum, sea turtle and all.
1. Enter Jack, Exit Pearl

(Disclaimer: Newt and Trouble do not own the characters or plot in this chapter. Or any thing else you may   
  
recognize from the Movie.)  
  
Chapter One: Enter Jack, Exit Pearl  
  
Captain Jack Sparrow slumped down on the beach cursing fluently. He stared hard at the   
  
bit of horizon where the Black Pearl had last been seen. It had been two days since he'd had to   
  
watch Barbossa sail away with his ship. Unable to bear the noonday sun, he crawled the short   
  
distance to the shade of the palm trees and shut his eyes.  
  
A crack of thunder sounded and Jack sat up groggily. Forgetting where he was, he   
  
shouted, "What the blazes do you think you're doin'? Firing a bloody pistol by a sleeping man's   
  
ear. Who—." By this fine he'd opened his eyes and remembered where he was.   
  
He staggered to his feet, squinting his eyes against the setting sun. his eyes slowly   
  
adjusted and he was able to make out a distant shape moving steady nearer.   
  
"I suppose it'd be too much to hope the ruddy crew turned on 'im," he said to no one in   
  
particular. To his disappointment, the ship was clearly not his Black Pearl.  
  
Jack dove behind one of the few trees to see what would develop. He didn't have long to   
  
wait. The new ship anchored and a rowboat with five men started towards shore. The rowboat   
  
could have held several more men normally, but the boat was already straining under several   
  
large boxes. "What in the devil—." Jack wondered aloud.  
  
His questions were put aside when one of the men hauled from the box a bottle. Jack's   
  
eyes grew wide. "Rum runners!" he whispered. "Now I can get off this god forsaken rock."  
  
"'Ey! You with the rum!" he stood in the light and shouted. As he waved his arms, he   
  
muttered to himself, "Well, here goes nothing', god willing'."  
  
(Want us to show what happens next? Give us feedback and we'll add more.) 


	2. Parlay?

(Disclaimer: We don't own any one/thing except Captain Jabba Theahut)  
  
Chapter Two: Parlay?  
  
The rum runners looked up and saw Jack. They were none to pleased to see someone on   
  
the island where they kept the rum. "Who the bloody hell are you," shouted one of the sailors.  
  
"Who am I?" Jack looked at the rum runners as though they were stupid. "Why, I'm   
  
Captain Jack Sparrow."  
  
"Never heard of you," said the sailor who shouted earlier.  
  
"Never heard of me!" Jack looked at them in shock. "What the hell do you mean you've   
  
never heard of me?" By this time the sailors had left the rowboat and ware going towards Jack.  
  
"'Cause I've never heard of ye mate. Now, what in the blazes are you doing here?" The   
  
sailors continued coming towards Jack, taking out their pistols and aiming at him.  
  
"Par-la-loos – parten – partner-," Jack was trying to remember the right word.  
  
"Parlay?" suggested a sailor.  
  
"That's the one! Parlay."  
  
"Parlay! I hate that word." The sailor looked around at his fellows. "Can't we just kill   
  
him?"  
  
"We've got to follow the code," argued another sailor.  
  
"Damn the code to hell," cried an annoyed sailor.  
  
"Just take the fool to the captain. Captain Jabba will deal with 'im."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trouble's Notes:  
  
Yes we know that the Rum Runners aren't pirates. On the next chapter it'll all make sense. Or at   
  
least a bit more sense. Oh, and Captain Jabba is not a huge slug, he is a human. 


	3. Idiots find out they're not pirates

(Disclaimer: We only own Captain Jabba Theahut still.)  
  
Chapter Three: The idiots learn they aren't Pirates  
  
The traders stashed the rum in a small room hidden beneath the sand. "Sure wish I'd   
  
known about that before," Jack grumbled, wistfully looking at the stash of liquid.  
  
They pilled back into the boat, pistols constantly trained onto Jack, who starred back at   
  
them.  
  
Once on board, they escorted him, via gunpoint, to the starboard side of the ship.   
  
Standing in front to them was a man who was clearly the captain of his vessel.  
  
He was decked out in fine material, fingers weighed down with rings and a silver buckle   
  
across his waist. A jeweled ring glittered from his left ear as he surveyed Jack with a cunning eye.  
  
"What's this? Jack Sparrow, ain't it? What're ya doin' on my ship?" He turned a beady   
  
eye to the sailors who had brought Jack onboard. "What's he doin' here?"  
  
"He's gone and said 'Parlay!'" the sailor whined.   
  
"Parlay?" the captain roared. "What do you think we are? This ain't a bloody pirate   
  
ship!" He swung out an arm, knocking the sailor over. "You were an idiot when I picked you up   
  
and you still are today."  
  
He turned to Jack, a none too friendly a grin on his face. "It's my cursed kind heart,   
  
Jack," he said, eyes glinting. "I takes on these poor lads, give's 'em a trade, but fools will remain   
  
fools, ay Jack?"  
  
"And fools are cheap labor," Jack added, his face expressionless.  
  
"Aye, Jack Sparrow." He said with a smug grin.  
  
"It's Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please," Jack said. "How is it you know me? I don't   
  
remember you, and one would think I would remember an outfit like that."  
  
Newt's Notes:  
  
Sorry about the chapter length but it probably won't change for a while. We will update often to   
  
make up for it.  
  
Trouble's Notes:   
  
We're writing this together and we swap the notebook every page or so, so it's kinda hard to   
  
make long chapters. Sorry. 


	4. Sparkly clothes and bad manners

(Disclaimer: We don't own anyone new yet.)  
  
(Trouble and just incase anyone else has a problem with our jokes, I like to read Star wars. Not   
  
watch. No one will find me telling people not to write.)  
  
Chapter Four: Sparkly clothes and bad manners  
  
"You don't remember me Jack?" The captain smiled sadistly. "Funny how these things   
  
work out."  
  
"And I know you from…?"  
  
"Arr! I sailed with you before you idiot!" Captain Jabba began to look annoyed.  
  
"I sailed with you?" Jack looked at him carefully. "You don't look familiar."   
  
"Ahhh! I'm Jabba Theahut!"   
  
"Ahh, yes I do recall you bein' aboard the Pearl." He looked Jabba over carefully again.   
  
"Ya weren't so glittery then. Nice hat by the way."  
  
"You still haven't answered my question Jack—."  
  
"Captain Jack," interrupted Jack.  
  
Jabba rolled his eyes. "Captain Jack," he continued in a venomous tone, "What are you   
  
doing on my ship?"   
  
"Looking for a ride of this bloody island."  
  
"And what was ya doin' on the island to begin with 'Captain' Sparrow?"  
  
"Ahh, now that would be my business wouldn't it? I don't feel much like sharing,   
  
savvy?" First he'd been marooned, and then had the Rum runners harassing him, and now this   
  
idiot man he may have sailed with at one point was questioning him? Well maybe Captain Jack   
  
Sparrow had finally had enough. He saw no reason to admit to the fact he had lost his ship to this   
  
glittering baboon!  
  
Jabba was not amused by Jack refusing to share how he'd found the rum runners cache.   
  
"Perhaps you feel like sittin' in a cell until you feel like sharing then." He called past Jack to get   
  
his crew's attention. "Boys, Jack here's going to spend some time with us. Why doesn't someone   
  
take him below?"  
  
Two muscular men grabbed Jack and dragged him below deck. Although he struggled   
  
against their hold, Jack mentally smiled to himself. After all, the rum runners wouldn't want to   
  
leave a pirate with their rum, would they?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trouble's Notes:   
  
I don't mind criticism as long as it is constructive. Please don't bother posting a review if you just   
  
want to be an ass. We are trying to have some fun with this story and would love to hear ideas on   
  
how to make it better. 


	5. Locked up and extreamly happy

Chapter Five: Locked up and extremely happy  
  
Once Jack was in his cell, he took a quick look around, thanking God that these   
  
rumrunners were idiots. Rich idiots it was true, but hey, Jack wasn't complaining about   
  
that. After all, rich rumrunners meant more rum on board. And who wouldn't want that?   
  
It certainly succeeded in bringing a grin to Jack's face. A grin that only widened as he   
  
discovered a bent bar in the back, probably hoe Captain Theahutt's prisoners had escaped   
  
last time.  
  
Jack got down on his hands and knees and looked through the gap in the bars. It   
  
would be a tight fit, but he'd been fasting on that stinking island for two days and it   
  
hadn't exactly made him any fatter.  
  
He crawled through. He went little by little until; "Ooof!" a pain went shooting   
  
through his head. He'd been so preoccupied squeezing through the bars; he'd forgotten to   
  
watch where he was going.  
  
Cursing, he looked up at the offending blockade. His attitude changed in an   
  
instant when he saw it was a crate of bottles. Full bottles by the sound of the clank when   
  
he'd hit it.  
  
He grabbed a hold of it and grunted, dragging it backwards so it would be within   
  
reach of his cell. No reason to escape when your hosts were so very hospitable.  
  
He pulled out a bottle and uncorked it. "To you, matey." He lifted his eyes to   
  
where Theahutt was probably standing. "May our encounters always be so enjoyable."   
  
And with that he proceeded to drain the bottle.  
  
Four hours and several bottles later…  
  
The dimwitted sailor who had evoked the Captain's wrath earlier clumped noisily   
  
down the stairs. He gave a half a glance toward Jack, then whirled around and started for   
  
the cell.  
  
Jack sat in a daze, empty rum bottles carpeting his cell. The man watched,   
  
bewildered, as Jack proceeded to bang his head into the bars, over and over, as he swayed   
  
drunkenly.  
  
"'Ay, you! What do you think yer doing?"  
  
"The bloody hole keeps moving!" Jack slurred.  
  
The sailor looked over into the crate. "It's gone!" he gasped. "All of it!"  
  
"What?" Jack swayed holding his head. "It's gone? Why is the rum gone?"  
  
"'Cause you drank it all, you bloody fool!"  
  
Jack considered this for a moment. "…But why is the rum gone?" 


End file.
